So today is starting off kind of ruff.  For some reason I have been weeping at the eyes.  And I know I feel some sort of way but I am not sure what is causing it.  What I do know is that the more I try to get past what has happened.  There is always something happening that makes me start to really think.  As everyone is aware of you had the mass shooting that happened at Mandalay Bay in Vegas.  It made me think about how the robber could have blown my brains out and the bank would have been opened the next day for business like nothing ever happened.  I don't trust ANYONE who works with or who is affiliated with US Bank because I feel they are all working for the better of the company and not me.  I have never felt so violated in a long time.  And the more I try to get out the more I feel I am held back.  And even times I feel I am being pushed back.  Outside of me being employed I have had nothing but negative at this job and I just don't know how much more I can deal with.  Then to add to my feelings, I had a police officer follow me last night for over 7 miles.  He was tailgating me and I was on a unlit road in the middle of no where.  I was terrified and I kept thinking I was going to die on that road.  And the only reason I was on that road was because I wanted some fish from Ibby's.  Every tall, dirty, scruffy, thin, white man that I see is suspect to me and I always look to see if he is the ONE!  And the crazy part is everyone is making it seem as if I am the crazy one.  I still can't get past the fact that a job I worked so hard to get was given to Mayra who didn't even want it.  She has a little over a week left here and I can't stand it.  And it is sad but I highly doubt I will ever really speak to her ever again outside of just being polite and saying hello or bye.