Being with Friends!!!

So today started off a little ruff. I slept in because I just didn't have the strength to get up to do anything. I finally decided to go shopping to find me something to wear to an all white event that I will be attending. But I didn't have any luck. I may have to come up with another plan but I will keep you posted.

Well after I went shopping or shall I say attempted..lol.. I decided to go see my dad and that is when my day took a turn for the worse. I struggle every time I have to go see my dad in my grandmothers house. It is strange to walk into her room and see anyone but her in the bed. And for whatever reason it bothers me tremendously to the point that I can only stay for short periods of time. Even though my grams was sick it was still always happy times when I went to see her and now when I go in her room it is not the same. My dad and his wife are always at each other which gets to be a little much. Most of it could be avoided but for what ever reason it never is. But that is a whole different can of worms that I will have to get into later....smdh

So besides them arguing as usual which put me on edge. I was looking at some pictures in my grams photo album and found that she had several copies of her late mothers obituary. The thing that really upset me was reading it and seeing that my name was not listed. The only name listed was my sister Kendal's. So it made me wonder if she ever knew anything about me! Had she ever even heard my name. It is a hard pill to swallow when you have always been the outcast. And little things like this always surface to remind you of how invisible you were and sometimes are. So I had to leave and get out of that house and go back to ME!

So after I left I go a text from a good friend to ask me if I would go to Jazz In The Park! Now I must be honest.....I didn't want to go because I was really upset but then I decided it may get me out of my funk so I got dressed and went. (I AM GLAD I DID)

I had a chance to sit with my girl, her man and I finally got to meet her mother. It actually turned out to be OK and I had a small chance to vent if you will. I was able to talk to man about the things that had happened with my grams because most people are not aware of my life. Hell I am just finding out my damn self. (THAT IS ANOTHER CAN OF WORMS I WILL HAVE TO OPEN LATER) One day I will cry I am sure of it but at the moment I just can't. I have sooooo much to say but no one to say it too. But I know that once I get it all off my chest I will be at peace and able to grieve how I should and how I need too. But until then I will continue to live and to hold my head up.! Because I truly don't know what else to do......