OLD LADY

WOW......IT HAS BEEN A WEEK AGO YESTERDAY THAT OLD LADY PASSED AWAY....I MISS THE HELL OUT OF HER. IT HAS BEEN REALLY HARD FOR ME TO DIGEST ALL THAT HAS HAPPENED AND WHY. I HAVE MISSED SO MANY YEARS OF HER BEING A FRIEND, A MENTOR, A GRANDMOTHER, OR A SENSE OF INSPIRATION IN MY LIFE. SHE NEVER GOT TO SEE ME GRADUATE, HAVE MY KIDS OR GET MARRIED. I NEVER GOT ANY ADVICE FROM HER OR ANY TYPE OF GUIDANCE. AS A MATTER OF FACT THE LAST AND FIRST THING THAT I REMEMBER HER SAYING TO ME BEFORE WE HAD REUNITED WAS "I DON'T WANT TO SPEAK TO THAT LITTLE BITCH"! TO THIS DAY I HAVE NO IDEA WHY SHE FELT THAT WAY ABOUT ME. BUT NONE THE LESS SHE WAS BROUGHT BACK INTO MY LIFE IN AUGUST OF 2009.

WHEN MY DAD HAD ME MEET MY GRAMS BACK IN AUGUST 2009 IT WAS A LITTLE WEIRD BUT I TRIED TO KEEP AN OPEN MIND. WE SPENT A DAY GOING TO DIFFERENT GROCERY STORES AND TO TARGET TO GET VARIOUS THINGS ON HER SHOPPING LIST. AT THE END OF THE DAY THERE WAS A BOND THAT WAS BEING FORMED AND I MADE IT A POINT TO LET MY GRAMS KNOW HOW HER NOT BEING IN MY LIFE HAD EFFECTED ME. TOO THIS DAY I STILL NEVER KNEW WHY SHE WOULDN'T ACCEPT ME AND I NEVER WILL. BECAUSE SHE TOOK THAT TO THE GRAVE WITH HER. I CHERISH THE FACT THAT WE FORMED A BOND AND THAT SHE TRUSTED ME AND LOVED FOR ME TO BE WITH HER. BUT I WOULD BE TELLING A LIE IF I SAID IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME THAT I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY I WAS SHUNNED IN THE FIRST PLACE. (PART OF ME FEELS THERE WAS AN OUTSIDE INFLUENCE TO HER DECISION)

WHEN MY GRAMS WENT TO THE HOSPITAL ON 26 APRIL 2010 SHE WAS SCARED AND UNSURE OF WHAT WOULD HAPPEN. ALL SHE KEPT SAYING WAS FOR ME NOT TO LET THEM TAKE HER COOCHIE.....LOL........SEE WE THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING IN TO HAVE A HYSTERECTOMY BUT HALFWAY INTO THE SURGERY THEY FOUND OUT THAT SHE HAD A TUMOR THAT HAD WRAPPED AROUND HER COLON AND HAD INVADED HER BLADDER. SMDH...........DAMN OLD LADY HAS CANCER........"SNIFF SNIFF".........I STAYED WITH OLD LADY FROM THE TIME SHE WENT INTO THE HOSPITAL UNTIL THE DAY SHE LEFT THIS EARTH ON 9 JULY 2010. DAMN MY GIRL WAS A FIGHTER...... SHE FOUGHT FOR 3 MONTHS AND IT WAS NEVER A DULL MOMENT. SHE WAS FUNNY AS HELL AND SHE TALKED SHIT TILL THE END........DAMN I MISS HER........."SNIFF SNIFF"...........

DURING THE TIME THAT I WAS ABLE TO SPEND AND GET TO KNOW MY GRAMS SHE DIDN'T TEACH ME A LOT IN TERMS OF GIVING ADVICE. HOWEVER SHE DID TEACH ME HOW TO STAY STRONG, HOW TO STILL TRY TO HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR, AND HOW TO MEND BROKEN RELATIONSHIPS. THROUGH ALL OF THIS I HAVE NOT ONLY MENDED THE RELATIONSHIP WITH HER BUT ALSO MY PA PA. HOW COOL IS THAT.......MY OLD LADY WAS AWESOME....DAMN I MISS HER......"SNIFF SNIFF"..........

I DID MISS OUT ON A LOT WHEN I WAS YOUNG IN TERMS OF BEING AROUND MY GRAMS.....HOWEVER, I WAS AROUND DURING HER LAST 11 MONTHS OF HER LIFE......AND I MUST SAY THAT WAS A BEAUTIFUL EXPERIENCE THAT FEW WILL EVER GET TO GET IN LIFE AND VERY FEW WILL UNDERSTAND......I WAS WITH HER EVERYDAY. I WOULD GO TO SEE HER ON MY LUNCH FROM WORK AND THEN I WOULD GO BACK ONCE I GOT OFF. AND IF I DIDN'T GET THERE WHEN SHE THOUGHT I SHOULD OR IN FAST ENOUGH TIME....TRUST SHE WOULD LET ME KNOW BY TELLING ME OFF...... IT FELT GOOD TO HAVE HER WANT ME TO BE AROUND ALL THE TIME AND IT FELT GOOD TO HAVE ALL THE NURSES AND STAFF TELL ME JUST HOW MUCH SHE LOVED AND TALKED ABOUT ME. SHE ALWAYS GAVE ME PRAISE FOR THE WAY THAT I WAS THERE FOR HER AND HOW I WAS A BIG HELP. IT GOT TO THE POINT THAT SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE BUT ME. (I HAD TO LET HER KNOW THAT WAS NOT FAIR AND THAT SHE HAD TO LET OTHERS INTO HER LIFE AS WELL) I WOULD CHANGE HER BANDAGES AND HER COLOSTOMY BAG WHICH SHE HATED AND I UNDERSTOOD WHY......I TOLD HER THAT I WOULD ALWAYS BE THERE AND I MEANT JUST THAT AND I KEPT MY WORD. SEE THE THING THAT I GOT TO EXPERIENCE WITH MY GRAMS THAT NO ONE ELSE DID WAS THAT I GOT TO LAY IN BED WITH HER AND HOLD HER HAND........AND JUST BEFORE SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH SHE SQUEEZED MY HAND, TURNED AND LOOKED ME IN MY EYES AND THAT WAS HER WAY OF SAYING GOOD BYE.......SHE TOOK HER LAST BREATH AND SHE WENT TO SLEEP.......SHE WAS SO BRAVE UNTIL THE END AND I NEVER LET HER SEE ME UPSET OR CRY BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE BRAVE FOR HER AS WELL........DAMN I MISS HER........."SNIFF SNIFF"..........BUT I WOULD NEVER TRADE MY EXPERIENCE FOR ANYTHING IN THIS WORLD BECAUSE I RECEIVED A VERY SPECIAL PART OF MY OLD LADY THAT I WILL FOREVER HOLD IN MY HEART.........I MISS YOU AND I WILL SEE YOU ON THE OTHER SIDE OLD LADY...........